Same Old Shite

Fabio Capello, who douesn't resemble the Swedish tosser with his half hearted, half blind comments suggested his side "played with good football, good style", proving that on the other side of that well-tailored shirt collar lies a shiny brass neck. A bit like the Swede actually. Anybody with two fully functioning eyes and a minimum of four brain cells in their heads will be able to attest, the game against the Czech Republic was worse than anything England ever served up under Shecond-Shoish Shteve. Or Graham Taylor. Or Don Revie. Or Walter Winterbottom. Admittedly the side were only playing with 10 men, Frank Lampard limiting his contribution to a 78th-minute cameo, when he reacted to his number coming up on the subs' board by crunching up his face in anger so it looked like the remains of a Sunday dinner being swept down a waste disposal machine.
At least England's Brave John Terry, whose calm captaincy skills were on show as he desperately tried to claw Milan Baros's shirt off his back instead of stopping him turning and scoring, knows there is a desperate need for improvement. And to this end he is going to sit down with Capello and dissect the performance in tactical terms with a view to laying down a long-term development strat... no, hold on, they're going to FRASH FINGS AHT and GERT FINGS ORFT AHR CHESTS. "The manager will FRASH FINGS AHT and we will GERT FINGS ORFT AHR CHEST," promised EBJT in the historically fruitful English debating style. "That will be very private. The manager makes the big decisions. We can give our opinion but he is the one who makes those big final decisions."
Wow, that's generous of him. Whether EBJT would be so happy should Capello settle on the big decision that really needs to be made - the sacking off of the whole effing lot of them, to be replaced with hungry players who don't see an England cap as their birthright - went unrecorded.

Transfer Talk

What's been happening this close season?

All I seem to have heard and read about for the past 49 days (since "Brave John Terry" made himself the laughing stock of Moscow) is Febian Brandy to Swansea, Ronaldo to Madrid, Carlos to Portugal, Anderson to Beijing and now Sir Fergies long lost love child has been linked with the Murderers inbred cousins from the other side of Stanley Park.

David Moyles is understood to be considering a £8.5m bid for the Scotland captain. With 9 goals, 9 yellow cards and 2 red cards during his United career he could be as good a signing as Duncan Ferguson for the sweet eating scousers.

John O'Shea is said to be bitterly disappointed that Ajax have offered £20m plus Klaas-Jan Huntelaar in an effort to sign the fat pork eating Irishman. When he heard he was going to Holland, he thought it was a visit to the pie making firm in North Lancashire, not to the bright lights of Amsterdam.

Who are we going to buy then? MUTV aren't even mentioning people coming into OT, only the ones possibly going out. JH fancies Klaas-Jan Huntelaar - nuff said.

Former Red favourite, now manager of The Mackens, Royston Keane's latest visit to the transfer market will do little to disabuse the notion that he identifies transfer targets by sticking pins in a Panini sticker album when he offers Tottenham £10m for Darren Bent.

Something else that caught my eye was a comment made by the self titled "Guvnor" in 1997 when the goat gobblers didn't sign him "'They've snubbed me? Do me a favour. Let's face it, would I want to go there?' The Guvnor was responding to reports that he had been rejected by the GG's as being 'past his peak'. It makes you wonder how crap Milton Keynes must really be.

Carlos The Jacksie?

It looks like the Mighty Reds are to face a fight to hold on to Carlos Queiroz after the Pork and Cheese made him their number one target to succeed the Rent Boys new bum boy.The Portuguese FA President, Gilbert Medail, is understood to have travelled to the Republik early this week to make an offer to Sir Fergies right hand man. A couple of years ago nobody really gave a badgers bollock whether he stayed at OT but his influence seems to have made United better prepared for taking on the might of Europe. If he leaves this could have a major impact on Ronaldo's future. Queiroz is very close to Ronaldo and was seen as a crucial bargaining tool in keeping the winger at Old Trafford. He must weigh up whether it would be a better move to progress his managerial career with Portugal, or stay at United in the hope that he will take over from Fergie when the Red wine finally gets the better of the man from The Gorbals.

Queiroz still believes that he can make the grade as a manager despite a torrid season in charge of Franco's Eleven five years ago. He could have gone to The Lisbon Lions last season but opted to stay at OT and nurtered Anderson and Nani. I'm sure that Fergie would hate to lose the Queir man but just as with Kiddo, Wally with the Brolly and Queiroz once before, he is unlikely to stand in the way of his assistant's ambition to progress.

We might sometimes be pretty dreadful to watch with his (in)famous 4-6-0 formation against the mighty minnows from Prague a couple of years ago but he's getting better. And the other Porkie might stay with him.

Living proof that professional footballers are mongs

Sometimes we think Fergie is a bit of a nob. After all he bought players like Kleberson and Veron to name but two. Kleberson actually won a World Cup medal once - subbuteo must have been a very poor standard that year. Luckily he sometimes proves that he is the man. A couple of years ago a future England footballer was up for sale amd United didn't attempt to buy him. I wonder why? Could it be because he like to eat his own shite or something similar? Joey Barton dines at McDonald's. A footballer could spend more on a whore than most fans spend on a house, yet still these "athletes" consume food I wouldn't feed my beloved mong Cleo.

Lee Bowyer was fined for fighting with a bunch of chairs while in McDonalds. What do they put in those burgers?
True Barton had his fight after supping 15 pints of gassy lager- but have footballers learnt nothing since the intelligent Ian Rush went to Italy and discovered two things - "they speak foreign" and "they eat pasta"?
Another thing we should be worried about - if Newcastle honour his £60,000 per week contract while he's being bummed by some jailbird, how much will we, the taxpayer have to contribute? Northern Rock still sponsors Newcastle. Sometimes I feel that I could stomach the Welsh dwarf's bill at the Billy Hills, but why should I subsidise a scouse thug? Looking objectively though, there is a certain symmetry between Northern Rock and Newcastle - both hoped to take on the big four, and both over-extended. And just as the taxpayer might never again see a fair slice of the fortune it "invested" in Northern Rock, so Newcastle's sponsorship windfall has long since joined Georgie Best. In any other industry Barton would be sacked but the Geordie bastards can't afford to get rid of the twat. Another thing that gets me is all this crap about Barton being unfit to wear the shirt . After all the bar striped bastards signed Lee Bowyer. Perhaps they should sponsor a new wing at Durham Prison. Or sign Ian Brady.

Moscow 2008

This is a pretty good video done immediately after John Terry made himself the hero of 99% of The Republik of Mancunia. The other 1% - the fat moustachioed blue noses weren't happy at all - but who in their right minds cares what those inbreds think? Anyway, I digress - ENJOY.

Ash proving that he does hate leedsscum

A couple of years ago when the Cup Final was held at a decent ground in a decent city with decent pubs the Prince of Wales in Cardiff was a favourite drinking place for all Red's to go before the final. If I remeber right, this one was recorded just prior to the League Cup Final against Wigan. We went in the Prince a few times and seeing as JP and son are happily singing away I'm pretty sure it was the Wigan game. For those that don't know, depsite rumours to the contrary, the main dancer is not Richard Fairbrass or Gary McAllister but my mate Ash. He is available for cabarets, christenings, weddings and anything else you can think off that includes beer. Enjoy - This is the original.

Hitler is not happy with Ronaldo

I can't take the credit for this video although it is one of my favourite films.For those that are interested it's called "Downfall" and is available from all good dvd shops and a few crap ones as well.