Transfer Talk

What's been happening this close season?

All I seem to have heard and read about for the past 49 days (since "Brave John Terry" made himself the laughing stock of Moscow) is Febian Brandy to Swansea, Ronaldo to Madrid, Carlos to Portugal, Anderson to Beijing and now Sir Fergies long lost love child has been linked with the Murderers inbred cousins from the other side of Stanley Park.

David Moyles is understood to be considering a £8.5m bid for the Scotland captain. With 9 goals, 9 yellow cards and 2 red cards during his United career he could be as good a signing as Duncan Ferguson for the sweet eating scousers.

John O'Shea is said to be bitterly disappointed that Ajax have offered £20m plus Klaas-Jan Huntelaar in an effort to sign the fat pork eating Irishman. When he heard he was going to Holland, he thought it was a visit to the pie making firm in North Lancashire, not to the bright lights of Amsterdam.

Who are we going to buy then? MUTV aren't even mentioning people coming into OT, only the ones possibly going out. JH fancies Klaas-Jan Huntelaar - nuff said.

Former Red favourite, now manager of The Mackens, Royston Keane's latest visit to the transfer market will do little to disabuse the notion that he identifies transfer targets by sticking pins in a Panini sticker album when he offers Tottenham £10m for Darren Bent.

Something else that caught my eye was a comment made by the self titled "Guvnor" in 1997 when the goat gobblers didn't sign him "'They've snubbed me? Do me a favour. Let's face it, would I want to go there?' The Guvnor was responding to reports that he had been rejected by the GG's as being 'past his peak'. It makes you wonder how crap Milton Keynes must really be.

Carlos The Jacksie?

It looks like the Mighty Reds are to face a fight to hold on to Carlos Queiroz after the Pork and Cheese made him their number one target to succeed the Rent Boys new bum boy.The Portuguese FA President, Gilbert Medail, is understood to have travelled to the Republik early this week to make an offer to Sir Fergies right hand man. A couple of years ago nobody really gave a badgers bollock whether he stayed at OT but his influence seems to have made United better prepared for taking on the might of Europe. If he leaves this could have a major impact on Ronaldo's future. Queiroz is very close to Ronaldo and was seen as a crucial bargaining tool in keeping the winger at Old Trafford. He must weigh up whether it would be a better move to progress his managerial career with Portugal, or stay at United in the hope that he will take over from Fergie when the Red wine finally gets the better of the man from The Gorbals.

Queiroz still believes that he can make the grade as a manager despite a torrid season in charge of Franco's Eleven five years ago. He could have gone to The Lisbon Lions last season but opted to stay at OT and nurtered Anderson and Nani. I'm sure that Fergie would hate to lose the Queir man but just as with Kiddo, Wally with the Brolly and Queiroz once before, he is unlikely to stand in the way of his assistant's ambition to progress.

We might sometimes be pretty dreadful to watch with his (in)famous 4-6-0 formation against the mighty minnows from Prague a couple of years ago but he's getting better. And the other Porkie might stay with him.